Archive for the ‘Personale’

A Day Like Any Other…

November 10, 2014 By: WeeGee Category: Life, Love, Personale

“I like being alone. At least I convince myself that I’m better off that way. And then I met someone… […]. She changed me. And then she left… We’re better off alone. We suffer alone. We die alone. Doesn’t matter if you’re a model husband or father of the year. Tomorrow will be the same for you.”

This post changed somewhat, just before I wanted to write it, so now it’s a couple of weeks older than first intended, and has more content. And it is pretty personal, but what the heck, everyone and everything is on Facebook nowadays, might as well put some horrible stuff here and no one would see it…

Your birthday is just a day like any other. But I’ve probably never been more upset, sad, confused, vexed, angry, low and disappointed than I’ve felt in the last few months. Not necessarily any of those… states separately, but the mixture of them all, combined. The thing is… you have an experience, you make some mistakes and it fails, but you learn from those mistakes, you change for the better, or try at least, and when you have another experience you realize that those learnt lessons don’t apply… because things can and are usually different. And people, too. And you didn’t use those lessons wrong but you started the experience with the wrong assumption. There are some who don’t know how to be alone or without someone, so they may push you away with their neediness (or not, if you like it that way). And there are some who don’t know how to be with someone, and they push you away with their independence and personal freedom, with wanting everything perfect and having a zero limit for compromise, so they won’t even communicate what they don’t like. Who thought that not being superficial and actually expressing your heart and mind, somehow makes you a drama queen… probably the people who are actually afraid of living. It’s also funny when your set of values have some inconsistencies… but I guess everyone is entitled to their hypocrisies. And it’s OK to have a stick up your ass, but it’s not really OK to think that, once removed, your stick doesn’t stink…

From the “philosopher” Greg House to the philosopher Camus:
“If those whom we begin to love could know us as we were before meeting them… they could perceive what they have made of us.”

But it’s OK after all… new experience, new mistakes, new personal improvements, new lessons. Acknowledge your failures, learn from them and next time be more prepared. And remember not to change who you are, just improve where you can or need to. It’s gonna be hard, as Louis CK said. But nothing great is really simple…

Also, this video is good and fits, and it can apply to any gender, to some level at least.

And now I’m sad and disappointed again, though on another level. But, funny thing, it’s related to the same place and after only a few months. And I’m afraid this can’t go on for long, and I may have to run away…

Ending this post with another quote from another great TV series:
“My wife is seven months pregnant with a baby we didn’t intend. My fifteen-year old son has cerebral palsy. I am an extremely overqualified high school chemistry teacher. When I can work, I make $43,700 per year. I have watched all of my colleagues and friends surpass me in every way imaginable. And within eighteen months, I will be dead. And you ask why I ran?”

Pieces for Peace

October 01, 2014 By: WeeGee Category: Life, Love, Muzica, Personale

One day, one room…

September 03, 2014 By: WeeGee Category: Life, Personale

” – Are you going to base your life on who you got stuck in a room with?
– No, I’m going to base this moment on whom I’m stuck in a room with. That’s what life is. It’s a series of rooms, and who we get stuck in those rooms with adds up to what our lives are.”

Well I’ve been here before…

Dinozauri

May 13, 2014 By: WeeGee Category: IT, Personale, Tech

Intr-o lume (si vreme) in care gadgeturile de tip portabil – telefoane “dastepte”, tablete, notebook-uri, cu mere la sigla sau fara – cel putin pe segmentul home office/utilizator obisnuit, domina piata si vanzarile, desktopul e o specie pe cale de disparitie… Si inca nu reusesc sa-mi dau seama de ce, intrucat au in continuare cel mai bun raport performanta/cost dintre toate. Da, faptul ca nu il poti lua cu tine in buzunar sau in geanta e un dezavantaj… but then again, ceea ce face, face cel mai bine. Un laptop nu va avea niciodata puterea de procesare CPU si/sau video a unui desktop din motive de autonomie energetica si nici modularitatea lui (cata lume isi face upgrade la anumite componente din laptop?), o consola e buna in special la jocuri dar si acolo “face sens” (don’t you just looove that expression?) doar in anumite categorii de jocuri, coz if u play shooters or hack and slash with a controller you look mentally challenged. De telefoane nici nu mai pot sa zic nimic, sunt de mult device-uri care le fac pe toate, aproape nimic foarte bine…

Sau poate e faptul ca pentru omul modern a ajuns un challenge prea mare sa insurubezi si sa imbini in sloturi potrivite niste placi. Eu unul iubesc sa asamblez un nou sistem desktop. This is how a decent one looks:
-# cel mai bun i5 (4670k) – best buy si potential de OC foarte mare cu un consum redus; i7 merita doar daca chiar te dau afara din casa cei ~500 de lei in plus;
-# un cooler decent pe aer… cele de top ajung la 400 de lei (ceea ce mi se pare indecent chiar), iar pt hardcore stuff – watercooling;
-# o placa de baza cu chipset bun (z87) si multe altele (sata3, usb3, sli/crossfire, ceva audio, hdmi, etc.) – pretul poate varia mult;
-# 16 GB RAM… de 2400MHz daca se poate;
-# 2 SSD-uri cat mai mari (2x doar 120 in cazul meu), cu RAID0 si matanii ca sa nu crape raid-ul sau vreun ssd dpdv fizic – viteze in teste de 800-1000 MB/s, ceea ce e “nesimtit” rau, iar in cazuri reale vitezele sunt mai mici dar tot foarte bune;
-# GTX 560Ti (pasata de la vechiul sistem), aparuta deja de 3 ani dar inca duce bine (nu excelent) tot… in curand isi asteapta o sora geamana pt sli;
-# o sursa care sa duca tot fara prea mari batai de cap (750w+ pt sli, 5-600w pt normal);
-# HDD cat mai mare pt storage si periferice dupa nevoie si posibilitati;

From here:
System
to here:
SystemSystemSystem
…si apoi toate intr-o carcasa (eventual).

Asta e acum… in 6-12 luni probabil “decent” o sa insemne un Broadwell pe 14nm cu placa/chipset z97 (existenta deja) si cine mai stie ce… but still this baby will run nicely for some time.

Old vs New sau Nov 2007 vs Mai 2014:
SystemSystem

LE: Update… the rig is complete.
SystemSystemSystem
System

For Neither Ever, Nor Never…

May 12, 2014 By: WeeGee Category: Life, Personale

Goodbye Mr P…

Patimile lui Cristi

October 08, 2013 By: WeeGee Category: Cars, Life, Personale

“Ceea ce nu trăim la timp, nu mai trăim niciodată”

Exista zile cand toate merg struna. Asa cum ti-ai dori, poate chiar cum ar trebui, desi nu te astepti. Nici nu ai fi indraznit, deoarece astfel de zile par imposibil sa se intample. Zile in care “planetele se aliniaza” si universul nu mai conspira importiva ta ci, culmea, parca se extinde special pentru tine.

Exista zile in care roadele muncii in sfarsit se vad. Rabdarea de a strange timp de 2-3 ani, de a rezista tentatiei de a-ti face upgrade la calc sau de a-ti lua “cel mai telefon” dăstept, nu stiu ce haine sau nu stiu ce incaltari, a meritat. Zile in care indurarea frigului sau a caniculei in statia de autobuz 2x sau 3x timpul teoretic de asteptare nu mai conteaza, si nu pentru ca te-ai obisnuit cu el.

Exista zile in care ajungi acasa si incepi sa plangi de bucurie in hohote pentru ca dupa boala, moarte, suturi in cur, umilinte, si alte nasoale ai reusit totusi sa-ti realizezi un vis. Aproape un vis din copilarie la o varsta de adult, lucru mai rar.

Exista zile in care esti extrem de bucuros. Poate chiar fericit, nu pentru Material in sine, pentru ca nu te-a facut niciodata cu adevarat fericit, dar cu siguranta esti foarte multumit. Zile in care esti mandru de tine. Pentru ce ai realizat, nu pentru ca mama te-a nascut intre un munte si o apa anume.

Si mai exista zile in care ai si noroc pe deasupra…

Astazi a fost o asemenea zi…

Maine poate e iar o zi de cacat. Dar pentru destul timp de acum inainte nu va conta…

The Last Bastion Has Fallen…

April 24, 2013 By: WeeGee Category: Personale

It’s about the journey, not the destination. “All destinations are final”… but the journeys are what actually matter and they remain in memory. And you had a decent journey, considering the times and possibilities. I’m so glad we got to speak just the other day and I thank you again, here, for those nice words and wishes, as if you were finally ready to let go… but I’m bitter and sad for not seeing each other one more time… and I’ll always carry that burden with me…

I’m happy your life MATTERED, for a few people at least… I hope you knew and understood that…

Farewell my dear… I will miss you deeply… I know those last 5 years were enormously painful, with constant grief, and I hope your tormented soul has finally found peace…

v3.0

October 27, 2012 By: WeeGee Category: Life, Muzica, Personale

No, not the blog… De la mine pentru mine, cu numar!

Hiatus

August 02, 2012 By: WeeGee Category: Life, Personale

I’m kinda sick of… everything. Bored… tired… pissed off…
Pana la Top Gear sau vreun eveniment care merita mentionat si dezbatut – Pauza.

The Quitting Game

May 24, 2012 By: WeeGee Category: Life, Personale

Duminica am vazut MotoGP… Mai mult, l-am vazut pe Rossi mergand decent dupa una an, ca sa nu zic dupa vreo 2-3 chiar, ceea ce inseamna ca a mers dumnezeieste pentru ce trotineta are la dispozitie, iar rivalii lui au cam toti cu 5-10 ani mai putini. A mers dumnezeieste si pentru cineva care si-a omorat, involuntar, cel mai bun prieten dintre toti “colegii” de meserie, asta poate si pentru ca, desi e un campion desavarsit si un mare suflet si caracter, din interviurile vesele pe care le da de obicei dar si din tristetea fada de anul trecut, pare sa aiba inteligenta emotionala a unei moluste… Insa locul doi al lui Rossi a fost doar o raza de soare pentru bomba cazuta in zilele anterioare. Casey Stoner, campionul en-titre, campion si in 2007 si unul dintre cei mai talentati piloti ai momentului/ultimilor ani, si-a anuntat retragerea. La 26 de ani!… Rossi are 33 si a zis ca mai sta inca 2, desi nu a mai castigat o cursa din mezozoic (e frate cu Schumacher)… Nu si-a anuntat retragerea in toamna, la final de sezon, ci in luna mai… Nu i-a murit capra, nu il alearga fiscul, nu i s-au inecat corabiile… pur si simplu nu ii mai place ce face, nu ii mai place cum/ce a ajuns motociclismul… ce-i drept a ajuns un club select cu 3 constructori mari, cativa mai mici si niste echipe care fac figuratie si mai mult incurca lumea, prezente doar gratie noului regulament fara de care anul asta ar fi batut vantul pe grila… Nu l-a convins sa ramana nici dublarea salariului, a ramas suparat pe “tradatorii” de la Ducati, vrea sa petreaca mai mult timp cu nevasta si bebelul, s-a saturat, iar doua titluri si cateva zeci de victorii ii sunt de ajuns… Somehow I can understand him, desi retragerea lui din moto e echivalenta cu ipotetica retragere din fotbal a lui Messi la 25 de ani ai sai… it’s simply incredible.

Dupa un an si jumatate de colaborare si intelegere buna, de dezvoltare profesionala si personala… I will have a new manager starting June… Nu e dat afara un frecator de menta, nu pleaca vreun coleg “salahor” de pe tehnic sau asa ceva, nu… my boss is leaving. Deja m-am impacat cu ideea, desi inca ma (ne) mai simt(im) ca un organism fara cap… In his case I don’t know the reasons. Le-o avea el, mai mult sau mai putin intemeiate, he should know better. He has grown (with) the firm for the last 2 years and has been around the same people for more than 5… yet somehow all this wasn’t enough… or maybe it was too much. I hope he wants or has found something better, he’s a smart and great guy and deserves it. I don’t think he leaves in sorrow, although I think he was fed up with some stuff and dependencies on some partners, maybe. Or maybe he just wants some time out… I (and those “left behind”) will do alright under the new management. Basically things will go the same way, which is all well, but somehow I know they won’t be the same… luckily I can adapt pretty well and, in the end, if or when the shit hits the fan, maybe it will be my time to leave… but that moment is still pretty far away. But I don’t like “breakups”… I don’t like big changes, and this is quite an important one.

Mi-am cumparat Diablo III de o saptamana deja, l-am asteptat cu o oarecare nerabdare, am dat o caruta de bani pe el, am umblat 5 km prin ploaie ca sa mi-l iau retail, e super si cu toate astea… am un erou de nivelul 6 dupa maximum 2 ore de joc cumulate… and I can’t properly explain it to myself… somehow games nowadays don’t seem that appealing and entertaining anymore… Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I’m getting old…er…

I’m not that sure anymore about her either… I mean I am. I think it… I know it… But somehow, these days, I don’t FEEL it… but I know the feeling will come back eventually… it’s my ray of hope…